new name

Mister Christer Photography is now . . .

(cue drum roll)

. . . Black Sheep Photography!

Check out the new blog here: 

 black-sheep-photog.blogspot.com 

meh…

I’ve been feeling mostly “blah…” or “bleh…” or “blech…” or “meh…” lately. They’re all very similar.

I know I am not fat, but I feel fatter than I want to be. I feel thick, not fat. I feel lethargic. I want to get up, move about, do something. But I’m having trouble with motivation.

Last month I was exercising. That was good for the first few weeks. But then I started feeling a little sickly and “bleh…”, and the exercise didn’t really help that. It felt more like an obligation. I don’t have a goal with the exercise. I just want to feel better. Maybe a goal would help.

I want to get out of my apartment and do things, but I have nothing to do and no one to do anything with. Apparently, I’m a horribly boring person.

(OR…maybe it’s that I’m always “a dick or disgusting”. That’s what someone recently posted on my facebook. I was not aware of this dick/disgusting quality. Sarcastic, snarky…absolutely. But to me, that’s not the same as being a dick. And “disgusting”? I just don’t’ see it. Anyway…)

I just sit around here most of the time on my little couch (loveseat actually, but there’s no love going so “little couch” it is) watching netflix or youtube or whatever and feeling…meh…

Amanda Palmer and The Daily Mail

Back when I was posting every day (for a year) I posted this sort of thing from time to time, but it’s been a while. Anyway…

So, this happened:

“Making a boob of herself…”

(It’s a review in The Daily Mail of a performance by Amanda Palmer in which there was a “wardrobe malfundtion”, and the review only talked about that. Nothing at all is mentioned about the music, and very little is said about any other aspect of the performance.)

And then this happened:

Good for her.

That’s all.

Goodnight. 

conversation with a model

Here is an ad I placed on craigslist a little while back:

Models...Still looking (Greensboro area)

Amateur photographer seeking models for artistic photographs--nudes and implied nudes preferred, but not a must.
No experience needed; age, race, body type not an issue.
Contact me with questions or for samples of my work.
Also seeking interesting locations to photograph.
Serious inquiries only, please.
(Not a paid modeling gig, but you'll get copies of the resulting pictures.)

And here are excerpts from an email/text conversation I had in response to the ad. I have not edited this conversation for grammar, spelling, or content. I’m just cutting large chunks of it, as it was a week’s worth of messages. The italicized bits in brackets summarize what I’ve cut, etc.

HER: im interested but I would like to see some of your work !

[I sent some pictures and links.]

HER: nice pics I would like to work with you .if we do a shoot I would like to do a parts shoot! I love to perform I love to have my body parts photograth its a big turn on for me.the onley thing is I aways were my mask when I am shooting. if you think you can come to me for the shoot I want to do a shoot in my bed room .I know it will take your time and gas .so if you like I will give you a free full bod massage to comolteion for your time after the shoot ! let me know what you think kay.

[She included a few pics of her in the mask. It was dreadful.]

ME: Well, I'm not opposed to some pictures that don't show your face. I've done a few, either with the pose or angle you couldn't see the model's face or it was cropped in that way. And I'd be quite happy to do that sort of thing.
I'm open to meeting up--if that's at your location, that's fine--and seeing what we can come up with.
But I have to be honest and say that particular mask is a little bit disturbing. It's sort of scary...reminiscent of a S&M sort of thing, and that's not really my aesthetic. I'm just concerned that the mask is such a strong image it might throw me off a bit. 

Do you have other, different masks?

HER: sure I will take a few pics for you tomorrow and.if you will download all the pics in my pc so I can see that thy don't have my face in them I will not put on a mask. but I will have to see them befor you leve I have kides and I have to be verey discreet . I love showing my parts for you to shoot just not my face at all in any pic. this is something I love to do it gets me excited knowing someone is taking pics of just my bod parts and I love doing it.i have some sexy outfits I would model for you. and if you come to me it will save me gas and I will give you a full bod rub to comp if you like? I have a massage table and I like to give and receive a good massage.

[We exchanges several more messages. I said I wasn’t so sure about the massage; she said, “no worrys”.]

HER: How about tuesday at 10am?

ME: Sure. I’ll put it on my calendar.

HER: Good i hope you like doing parts shoots thats what i like to shoot! I will do more with my mask on!

HER: Would u like to see a few parts pics idone i have time send u a few?

[She sent some things: close ups of her breasts and vagina.]

HER: Im not a small person but i hope ok with you . I like doing parts in my home in my bed room i.dont have a problem with you touching me if u need to adjust me for the shoot ! Sometimes men get a hard on shooting me no worrys i will give u a massage and get u off on my massage table if u like ? And when we r shooting u can rub oil on me if u think i need it im ok with that.

ME: Um...well, we’ll just have to see how things go.

HER: Lol i just want you to know im comfortable with you touching and all .i see you do a lot of nudes do your models let you touch and rub over there tits and pussy .i get excited when im being photograph i like being touched.

ME: So, that’s not what I do. When I put an ad on craigslist, it wasn’t to find someone to fool around with.

If you wanna do some nudes, I’m totally into that. But if you’re mostly looking to get of...well, I’m not really your guy for that. It’s just not me.

HER: Sorry i did not meen it like that at all .i did a shoot with a model one time and all she talked about was how the guy put his hands on her i just want u to know im ok with that that’s all : )

[I was somewhat concerned, but I thought maybe it would be fine. If I was going to her place for pictures, I could just leave if I felt uncomfortable. So, a few more messages.]

HER: I will i think i give you the wrong impression about me . I just love have a man look at my body it makes me fill good.

ME: Ya know, I think the impression you made is quite clear. And as I said before, I’m interested in making some nice pictures. If you want to do that, we can get together and make that happen.

[It turns out that I was also exchanging messages with her husband. He had a similar style of writing. No sex-talk, though. But I was a little wary of a few things with him—the location, the fact that he contacted me to model for him on a site where I’m listed as a photographer, etc. So, between the red or red-ish flags with each of them, I decided that it was too much. I just wasn’t going to meet with either of them.]

ME: I’m feeling less and less comfortable with the idea of coming out there to work with you guys. So good luck in the future.

HER: I just want to know how this happened ?? R u sure u talking to my hubby?

My hubby says we all good .if u don’t want to come to me i will come to your place . Tomorrow if you want to shoot me? I will do what ever shoot u want !

ME: Well, thanks, but I really don’t’ think this is gonna work out.

HER: That’s ok u have a good night ! This has never happened to me befor lol.

I know its late but my hubby just ask me to ask u if its ok if he calls u .he just wants to talk to u and say hes sorry for the mix up?

ME: No. I’m going to bed.

HER: Ok ill tell him u have a good night ! No worrys u want here from me or him ever again : )

Well…that was a month ago, and, to their credit, I haven’t heard from them since. I don’t know what would’ve happened if I’d gone to meet them and take photographs and/or be photographed. It would probably have been fine. But some of her messages were just a little too much for me. That’s just not what I’m looking for.

But it points out an issue that I know some people have with the nude photography: they think it means sex, or might mean sex if everyone’s up for it. For some, that’s a plus, like an added bonus. Whoo! And for some it means that I, the person taking and/or appearing in these nudes photos, am a bad, evil, sinful, dirty person not to be trusted. (See: “So, what happened to Mississippi?”) 

This whole thing is just made worse by the people on tumblr, etc, who’ll post really nice, artistic nudes right next to what is clearly, no question, just plain ol’ porn. I’m not saying porn is wrong, but it’s different from art, and not recognizing, or pointing out, that difference just confuses the matter. Sure, you can take something not created as nor intended to be pornography and use it as porn, that is, strictly for sexual pleasure. It could be anything: artistic nudes; National Geographic pictures of topless native women; someone’s baby pictures; crime scene photos…whatever. Someone could use any of that stuff for sexual excitement, and while the act of doing so might be considered pornographic, that doesn’t change the nature of the original material.

Anyway…I’m still looking for models, people who’d be willing to pose for me. No sex involved, and no porn. I promise. 

So, what happened with City Arts?

Okay, this will be long, but I don’t really want to write a whole lot about this. Because I don’t really want to get angry, or any more depressed than I usually am. So mostly this will just be copied and pasted from my email.

I couple of months ago I got this email from the City Arts Drama Director:

Your public blog has recently come to my attention.  Having seen it, I have no choice but to let you know that until such time your naked pictures are not available to the public you will not be allowed to work with City Arts.  Our concern is that parents may not understand your point of view and that makes your association with us, potentially damaging to our tax-funded program.

Should you want to discuss this with me, I am available to schedule a meeting at your convenience.  We are not terminating you, but rather using the guidelines of Roster work as an as-needed employee.  At this time, your services as an accompanist can be served by others on our roster.

Well, the only involvement I’d had with them since starting this blog was that I had once or twice before prepared recordings for their children’s theatre to use. (Yeah, instead of their hiring someone to play the piano, the music director—who is a friend of mine—asked if I could make a recoding.) So, being the creative and often bored type I am, instead of just sitting down and playing through and recording the piano accompaniment as written, I did a (small) orchestration of all the music in the show and had my computer make a recording of that. It was not terribly extensive or complicated music, but this did constitute an artist effort on my part.

So, I wrote back:

That’s fine. I would ask that you inform the others involved with the show to not use the recordings I’ve prepared.
If you would, please, let me know when this has been taken care of. Thanks.

Well, I got no answer from him for a week, during which I contacted my friend the music director and was contacted by the stage director/children’s theatre director, both of whom basically said that it was unfortunate it went this way and that the artistic director didn’t need to send that original email. And they both asked me to reconsider. Yet my feeling was that this was not something I wanted to reconsider.

So I wrote again:

Has this been taken care of?
I want to be sure that the files I sent are deleted and any hard copies that may've been made are destroyed
Please let me know.

He did respond to that:

As this is a work for hire, I don’t need to destroy anything. Please send your invoice for payment. Feel free to call my cell if you have questions. I don’t have your number, otherwise I would have called on the first contact.

So I wrote and sent this diatribe:

I’m sure if you wanted to call me, you have my number somewhere, as it has not changed in the past 5 years.

Since I started posting my blog, over a year ago, you have not hired me as an accompanist. I’ve never thought you to be under any obligation to do offer me any work. 

You said in your email last week that my “association” with City Arts could be damaging. Well, this recording is the only “association” I currently have with you, apart from occasional attendance at meetings of the Playwrights’ Forum (of which I’m not currently a member). So, when you contact me to tell me that I will “not be allowed to work with City Arts” I think it’s a reasonable assumption that this position of yours should apply to the recordings I’ve made.

If that is not what you meant, then I don’t know why you bothered to send that email. But you did. You have created this situation at this time. I understand your decision. You’re acting as an administrator out of fear of potential backlash due to ignorance, conservatism, and religion. That is the side you have come down on in this.

Sadly, it is not surprising. However, I completely disagree with your position on this. I would like to think that the director of an Arts program, and a playwright, would make a stand to support personal and artistic exploration and expression, whether or not you or others may like it or are comfortable with it.

Now, I do not consider my photography as being directly connected to my work as a musician, however you have chosen to make that connection. So I am taking a stand, since you will not, in support of artistic expression. This is an issue of artistic integrity, and not something from which I’m likely to back down. Therefore, I must insist that those recordings NOT be used by City Arts.

Furthermore, this is not work that you have “hired” me to do. As in the past, this is something I did at the request of the music director as a favor and for which, in the past, I did not get paid to do, nor do I expect to be paid for the time I put into these recordings.

Well, again I got no response from this guy. Another week later, I found out from the music director that they’d gotten someone else to make a recording.  So I wrote this guy again:

I have heard that the children's theatre will be using a different recording from the orchestrated one I prepared. I would appreciate some official word, confirming that this is indeed the case. It would allow me to consider this situation officially resolved, so I no longer need to be concerned with it.  Thank you.

He didn’t answer. The children’s theatre director did. And I still have heard nothing from the artistic director.

I don’t get it. It’s a lot like the reaction of the guy in Mississippi last year.

Apparently, from what I’ve gathered by talking to a couple of other people, no one had lodged any sort of complaint. He and the directors of the show for which I’d made these recordings had talked about it and decided it would be okay to use the recordings, and then he sent that first email.

This was all a “what-if”/pre-emptive-strike/covering-my-own-ass-in-case-of-future-whatever sort of thing.

I have yet to run into this City Arts guy socially (or professionally). And when I do, I’m not sure exactly what my response will be. But I don’t have anything much to say that I haven’t already said. I mean, I could say more, but it would likely just get personal and insulting. 

Unfriend number whatever

So, I just noticed that yet another person unfriended me on the facebook. Earlier today, I think.

A few years ago, I might not have noticed for a while. But now, it’s something I still just assume is going to happen.

(Just a quick recap for anyone new: When I started this blog and started posting links on the facebook, I lost about 60 or so within a couple of months. It was a little extreme. And since then it’s taped off a lot. Now it’s more occasional. My total number of “lost” “friends” is probably around 75 or 80? Maybe more, I don’t know.) 

I used to really wonder a lot who it was, often looking through my “friend” list to figure it out. I’ve probably said this before, but...when someone unfriends you, I wish the facebook would send you a notification. They notify you of every other fuckin’ thing.

Obviously, many of my “facebook friends” I’m not REALLY friends with. I know them in real life—well, there is one I can think of right now, whom I’ve not met in real life. A lot of them are people I was friends with or worked with or knew 5 or 10 or 20-something years ago. And even most of the people I currently know, I’m not that close to.

Well, this is starting to head toward depressing self-indulgent crap.

So, I’ll just say that while I haven’t bothered to figure out who the last several “friends” are who silently unfriended me, I assume that it’s due to this blog. In fact, of all the unfriends in the last year-and-a-half, only one ever wrote me and said anything. It was almost humorous.

Anyway, despite that fact that I still sort of expect unfriendings, it still surprises me. It’s just sad so many people can’t handle being friends with a naked person. And they just disappear, in silence. Have some balls, people. Tell me you don’t like this or you’re uncomfortable, or that you think I’m a pervert out to do horrible things to your children.
(Oh yeah, I never did write about that. I guess I’m still processing... Soon.)

Well...enough ranting.
Goodnight. 

Spoiler alert!!! ...2

I’m watching Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. It’s on HBO, which I have here at the beach.

When Scabbers, the rat, turns into Peter Pettigrew, he’s wearing clothes. 

Okay, fine. It’s magic. The clothes he was wearing when he last turned are still with him.

Also, it’s a kids’ story/movie.

I can accept that.

Except that several minutes later, when he turns back into a rat, he shrinks out of his clothes and leaves them behind.

So which is it? I vote for nudity. It makes sense. 

Spoiler alert!!!

Last night I watched The Hangover part II. 

The guys from the first movie went to Thailand for a wedding. They had a few drinks then woke up the next morning with no idea where they were or what happened the night before, and they had to piece it all together in order to find a friend they’d lost somewhere along the way.

Same basic plot as the first movie, just with different details in a different setting.

Oh, there was a scene with some penises.

The gang finds a strip club in Bangkok where they’d apparently been the night before. They were talking with one of the girls, and, well, she turned out to have a penis, as did all the “girls” there.

Early in the scene, before the big “reveal”, I knew they were going to have penises. It just seemed the obvious thing to me. So, then when I did see the penises, they had basically no impact. I assume it’s supposed to be hilariously shocking. Or shockingly hilarious? It was neither.

Was it just that I saw the “joke” coming so it wasn’t funny? Am I jaded? Or just immune to the humor of the penis?

Or, was it just not that funny?

Anyone? Anyone?

reading & coffee

This is what I’m doing this morning. I’ve piddled around online a bit, but this is the plan—keep doing this.

Yesterday I finished The United States of Atlantis by Harry Turtledove. It’s the second in a set of three (so far). I liked the first a lot, but this one was so-so. A lot of repetitious dialogue, etc., and a good bit of the time it just seemed like he was setting up the situation for the next book.

If you’re not familiar with Harry Turtledove, he writes mostly alternate history. It’s like historical fiction, except there’s always a “what if” element that creates the setting. Like, what if the South won the American Civil War? Or, in the case of these Atlantic books, what if the eastern chunk of North America—from the east coast to roughly the Mississippi River—were actually a separate continent out in the Atlantic Ocean? And then he writes a story set there. He’ll often use some actual historical characters along with fictional characters. In The United States of Atlantis there are fictional characters who are analogous to various historical characters from the American Revolution.

Anyway... I just started Ray Bradbury’s Something Wicked This Way Comes. And that’s my plan for the rest of the morning, which, at this point, isn’t very long. So, maybe it’ll also be part of my afternoon—that, and coffee, and being naked.  Whee!

One Year Old

Happy Birthday!

...or Anniversary!

My first post on this blog was one year ago today. And I’ve been posting every day since then.

Okay, I did cheat a couple of times. One time I forgot and another time I fell asleep before posting a blog for the day. Both those times I posted within half an hour or maybe an hour at most of midnight. And then I back dated the blog an hour or so.

Last month I was on the road for several days, and I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get online to post. So before I left, I did posts for those several days and set them to post automatically on those days I’d be gone. But I don’t consider that cheating.

Anyway, with those exceptions, I’ve posted something every day for a year, some days more than one post. And I have to say, it’s not always been easy. There’ve been several times when I doubted I’d be able to keep up the daily posting rate. And there’ve certainly been days when I was lazy and posted something that took relatively little effort. But I’d challenge anyone to do a daily blog that dealt with a specific subject matter and was not just a re-blogging thing, like tumblr can be.

I think the chief difficulty is that I’ve generally wanted to do something worth posting, something different than previous posts, and something as good or better than previous posts. I don’t think I’ve always succeeded in that. But I accept that always doing something different and better isn’t possible. I think that’s just part of the nature of such frequent output: it’s probably inevitable that quality will vary at times.

I was chatting with a new friend recently about the blog. She was looking at it for the first time and was telling me posts that she liked, and a favorite so far. I’ve done so many posts that I’d have a hard time selecting a favorite. Then again, in life I’ve often been reluctant to pick favorites, unless it’s something with a small number of options—like seasons. (I think my favorite season is fall.)

But I’d love to know what posts are other people’s favorites, and why. Or least favorites—also instructive.

-    -    -    -    -

Earlier this year, in the spring or early summer, I decided that I would keep up the daily posting until today—you know, assuming that I made it this far. I did, so yay me! From here on, I will not be posting every day. But I am not ending the blog, nor taking it down. I’ll keep posting whenever I have something to post.

-    -    -    -    -

One big thing that’s come out of this blog is an increased interest in photography in general. I’ve been taking lots of pictures of various things. But mostly that’s been a solitary endeavor. And I’d really like to make it less solitary—work with people, take pictures of people (naked or not), and share pictures with people. I don’t know where I’ll end up in the future, but if I’m near you, get in touch and maybe I’ll take your picture.

-    -    -    -    -

So...Happy Cake Day! 

Now, send me presents. You know, submissions and suggestions and, of course, comments. 

Naked Opera 9 (a miscellaneous threesome)

So, I’m spring cleaning, in the fall. Well, almost fall, so last-day-of-summer cleaning.

Also, I’m not sure I have enough to say about these three clips to make them separate entries.

Wagner’s Parsifal at Teatro La Fenice in Venice, 2005:

I don’t know what’s going on here. I don’t know why there’s a mix of clothed and naked people. But it does conform to an often-seen approach to nudity in opera—that is, the singers are clothed, and it’s non-singing extras or dancers who are naked.

Gounod’s Faust (I don’t know the production info. Anyone?):

Another not-unpopular choice—one or two naked people, again, not singing, surrounded by clothed principals and clothed chorus.

Verdi’s Rigoletto at the Royal Opera House in London, 2012:

Ah...what every opera needs—an orgy. 

Aftermath

So, to briefly continue from yesterday’s blog...what now?

I’d planned to move, I’d already turned down a little bit of fall work where I had been living. Well, I wasn’t gonna move to Mississippi without the job at that school. But the reasons for wanting to leave are still true: not enough work, and the “rut” of my personal life. There’s just not much there for me, nothing really keeping me there where I was living. And I’d mentally prepared to leave. So, I still feel that I should leave.

I moved out of my apartment at the end of last month, and I’ve been staying with a friend in another town for several weeks. I’m going to visit some other friends this weekend and visit my parents for a few days. Then, I’m going back to where I was before, mainly to house-sit and pet-feed while some folks I know are gone for a couple of weeks. But after that, I have no idea where I’ll go.

I had looked into another accompanying job at another university, but they hired someone else. And, honestly, I’m not even sure if I want that sort of job right now. I think I need to find a place where I want to live and then look for some work that I can stand to do. I’m not exactly sure how to go about doing that. I really can’t afford to go try out a bunch of cities to see which I like.

Bleh.

Yesterday I watched a TED talk in which the speaker (Stefan Sagmeister) was recommending that people take sabbaticals from their jobs. They increase productivity, etc. 

Maybe I’ll do that—just go away for a few months...again. I did that several years ago; I went to the beach for part of the winter, after having met this incredible woman by whom I was “undone”.

The idea is appealing. But I will need to find some work, some kind of income before too long.

If only I could get someone to pay me to be naked.

Hmm...art class modeling? I should look into that. 

So, what happened to Mississippi?

Okay, this is gonna be a long one. Take your time.

I’ve put off writing about it for a while, as I knew it would be quite a lengthy entry, and the thought of typing it up and trying to put it into some order that makes sense was a little daunting. 

So, I may ramble a bit. Sorry.

-   -   -   -   - 

I was planning to move to Mississippi a month ago, on August 20th. Later that week I would’ve been starting work at a public state university there. It was the school where I went to college, and I had worked there before, most recently 2½ years ago.

Now, I wasn’t super-excited about Mississippi—I mean, it’s Mississippi. But I’d been feeling like I was in a rut where I was living the past few years, and there was work in Mississippi. Along with the “rut” of my personal life (or lack thereof) I’ve been significantly under-employed for a while. And they were “desperate for accompanists” to quote one of the voice teachers at the school there. So, I was going back there, with the idea that I may look into New Orleans as a possible place to live and work in the future.

I had been talking on and off during the summer with the faculty member who organizes and assigns accompanists at the school. (Accompanists are pianists who accompany other musicians. That’s part of what I do for a living).

I had given my notice to my landlord here in North Carolina that I was leaving, and I’d told people here that I was leaving and wouldn’t be around to accompany here, nor to do shows, etc. in the fall.

I’d gotten rid of a bunch of my stuff which I didn’t want to move.

I had gone down there a few weeks before and found an apartment, signed a lease and all that.

Everything was set.

Then on the Friday afternoon before I was supposed to leave I got an email from the director of the music department.

It said, in part, this:

I need to inform you that due to my knowledge of some recently discovered material on your social media site I am not comfortable hiring you in any capacity at this time.  If you have any questions or wish to discuss my decision you may call me at my office number next week.

Now, I had no intention of waiting around all weekend to get more info. I’d made plans. I’d made financial obligations securing an apartment and setting up cable, electricity, etc. So, I called the music department director’s office—no answer—and then his cell phone. I had his cell phone number from before when I was there.

He said that it wasn’t the best time for him, but I needed to know if there was any chance that this was something we could work out. I needed to know right then if this was a definite thing. Because if it was definite, I needed to get working right away on an alternate plan.

So we talked briefly.

I don’t remember everything exactly how he said it. My mind was spinning around with a sort of “what am I gonna do now!?” quality. But he did make it clear that I would not be working there. He also seemed to be clearly saying that someone in Human Resources had become aware of this, had contacted him, and that HR wouldn’t be willing to hire me—it wasn’t just him. He seemed unwilling to specify what it was that made him uncomfortable. I said something like “I assume this is about my blog”. He said yes.

Now, I do have more than one blog, and I didn’t specify, nor did he, anything about this blog, about nudity, etc. But it’s quite obvious to me that he meant this blog, and the subject matter one can find here.

I asked if there was some particular policy about this, and he replied with various comments to the effect that it was bad to post such things, etc. The clear impression I got was that he thought I should be ashamed of myself. He didn’t use those specific words. I really wish I’d taken notes, or recorded the conversation. But the things that I took from the conversation were that the decision was made and that wouldn’t change, that Human Resources was involved in the decision, and that he was personally disapproving of me.

Well, I called my landlord, arranged to stay a little longer, through the end of the month if needed.

So that Monday, instead of moving, I wrote the head of the music department this:

I have a couple of questions, or requests, perhaps.
Could you give me the name of the person in Human Resources who informed you of this situation, or who made the decision to not hire me based on materials I've published on the internet?
Also, in our phone conversation Friday afternoon, I believe you did not actually answer my question: is there some particular rule or policy at the university which I would be violating if I worked there and published such materials? And if there is such a policy, could you tell me exactly what it is and where I might find it listed?
Thank you.

His reply the next day:

Sorry for the delay, but school starts tomorrow and I am slammed.  When you called Friday... I wasn't prepared for the conversation and was definitely distracted.  So, with that said allow me to be clear.  The decision not to hire you was mine and mine alone.  I am responsible for all hirings in the School of Music.  As the person responsible for those hirings I have to use my best judgment, based on all the information available to me, to hire people that I feel reflect the values, character, good judgment and integrity I expect from all our faculty.  I also need to ensure that our students are in a safe learning environment.  The offer to hire you was rescinded and no further explanation is necessary.
You don't need a name in Human Resources, as they did not make this decision.  They only counseled me on my options.  As you were never an employee there were no policies to be violated.  This was my judgment call.

Well, I thought that was rather insulting to me. I mean, the obvious implication was that he feels I’m lacking in values, character and integrity, and that my being there would create an unsafe environment for the students. I really don’t know how he’d get that from this blog. I actually think this blog shows character and integrity, as well as an artistic frame of mind. The “integrity” thing I find especially insulting. I would challenge him to find anyone I’ve worked with in the past for any significant length of time who would say I was lacking in integrity. Or probably character, for that matter.

And I’m not sure what values the job, any job at a public university, requires. Perhaps a decent work ethic? Showing up, doing your job well, etc.? And I certainly do that.

So. The unsafe environment issue: I feel certain that he is reacting to a relatively small amount of what’s on this blog, and that a more complete understanding of what the blog is would not cause someone to react that way. 

(I’ll address this a bit more later.)

That leaves “good judgment”. Okay, yes. I suppose that is a real issue. I concede that it’s not unreasonable to ask if my doing this blog, and posting links on facebook, reflects good judgment. However, I don’t post to everyone on facebook. I post to my “friends” with some exceptions, those exceptions including most of the people who I currently work with. And if someone meets me and googles my name, I don’t think they’ll actually find this blog with my name. Maybe I’m wrong there, but I’m fairly sure about that. My name isn’t actually on this blog. And I’m fairly sure that people have found my other blog (which does have my name) while trying to find this blog by searching for “naked blog” with my name.

Anyway...

Let’s see...where am I?

Ah.

Now, since this department director had never actually referred to this blog nor specified the material that he found problematic, I responded with:

I certainly understand about the beginning of the semester. And I thank you for the clarification.
One further clarification would be helpful and greatly appreciated.
I want to be sure that we're talking about the same thing and not just obliquely referring to it; I want to be sure that I am not making any assumptions here about what you're saying. In your email from Friday you referred to "material on your social media site". Well, I do post a lot of things online, and I can imagine various people taking issue with various things I've posted. And I do not know you especially well.
So, can you be specific about the material I have published online which you find problematic, which causes you to find fault in my character and integrity, and which you fear would create an unsafe environment for your students?
Again, I just want to be certain that there is no misunderstanding between us on this issue, as I consider openness, directness, and honesty to be very important.
Thank you for your time.

Now, I feel that was a reasonable question. He and I are both educated adults, who should be able to have an open conversation about this. He rescinded a job offer that I had been counting on, and because of which I had made plans and obligations.

He didn’t answer.

I wrote once more a week or two later, just saying basically the same thing.

He still hasn’t responded.

I don’t really expect him to respond. I think he’s made his decision and, from the end of his last email to me, doesn’t think anything more needs to be said about it.

I, however, don’t let go of some things easily. I want to actually hear him say (or read his writing) what he finds problematic, and how exactly this reflects so poorly on me, how exactly my being there would be a threat for the department.

Because I think he is reacting based on fear. So, I want him to actually explain that he sees open and honest nudity and discussion of nudity as a bad thing (perhaps a sin?), and that he is afraid that the person who is naked and putting that nakedness online has a sexual/predatory agenda.

Yes, those are assumptions, but he leaves me no choice but to make assumptions. I would gladly apologize for an incorrect assumption if he would actually have this conversation and convince me that I’m wrong about his motivations.

See, I think that anyone who is an artist and/or an educator (or even a reasonably well-educated person) should be able to look at this blog and understand what it is.

This blog is, in fact, many things. At times it’s a personal and artistic exploration; it’s sometimes political and social commentary. This blog sometimes talks about news or current events; it contains reviews or responses to books, film, theatre—arts and entertainment—that I’ve read or seen, etc.

I don’t require that everyone like it, or support it, or even approve of it. But I do ask that people try to understand what it is and appreciate it for that.

But this man—despite his being a musician and a teacher—is not acting in this situation as an artist, nor even an educator. He’s acting as an administrator. As “the man”. He’s filling a role that has historically often been at odds with the artist: the guy upholding and defending the status quo; the guy making sure that everything is squeaky clean and doesn’t challenge anyone; the guy who wants “art” to be comfortable. Well yes, sometimes art is nice and comfortable and non-threatening. But often it is not. Art can be ugly and uncomfortable and challenging. Art often needs to be those things.  

I simply think he is wrong in his response to the blog—I assume it’s the blog, the nakedness in the blog, anyway; because he won’t say it; like it’s a cursed word: naked or penis or whatever.

I honestly don’t know what else I might have “published” online that would elicit the comments that he did make, nor to speak to me in our phone conversation in a manner which made me feel that he was trying to shame me.

I’m sure it’s the blog.

And this man’s apparent unwillingness to talk about it reminds me of a former friend who stopped talking to me and wouldn’t tell me why. And another former “friend” who, based on third-hand knowledge of something I did ranted on facebook about my actions and motivations, then unfriended me as soon as I got her to admit she was talking about me. And all the former facebook friends who silently unfriended me in the several months after I started posting links to this blog on facebook. It also reminds me of the feeling I’ve gotten that some people now think of me as only a naked person—as if now that I’m doing this blog, everything else about me, everything that we could’ve had a conversation about has now disappeared and I’m just “the naked blog guy”.

I’m still the same person.  

I have considerable integrity.

And the only danger I would pose to students is that I might encourage them to learn and think and question and be critical; to read and look and listen; to investigate; to not just blindly (or deafly) accept what they’re told.

Yes, I do actually recognize the danger in that.

I guess I’m an idealist in that I’d like to think the head of the music program at my alma mater, or at any school, would not be someone who can’t or won’t understand what I’m doing. But I suppose schools are not really in the business of encouraging open and honest discussion and exploration.

I find that sad.

Uh...what else?

Right.

On the legal issue...

Several people have suggested that I contact a lawyer about all this. But it’s not as if I want to force them to hire me. At this point, I don’t want to work for that guy. Maybe if I were already there in Mississippi might be more likely to look into those kind of avenues.

But I do see this as a clear First Amendment “free speech” issue. If I was already working there, and they fired me over this, I could probably win a lawsuit against them. 

I didn’t have an actual contract. But I never had a contract with them 2½ years ago. I don’t think they do “contracts” for accompanists. However, when I was applying for an apartment there, the woman I’d been in contact with at the school sent the realtor some kind of statement confirming that I would be working at the school. However, she, like her boss, has not replied to my messages asking about it, and the realtor won’t send me a copy of it either.

Ya know, If I were gay and this were a blog exploring and advocating homosexuality, or if I were a conservative Muslim and this were a blog discussing and advocating conservative Islam (but not violence or terrorism), then the school and this department head would be on much more precarious footing in withdrawing a job offer based on material I’d put online. 

-   -   -   -   - 

Okay, enough. 

See, it was long.

Feel free to comment or ask questions. (Or express outrage?)

Topless Duchess No More

(See yesterday’s blog “Topless Duchess” as this is an update to that story.)

The French court ruled today in favor of the Prince and Duchess against the French gossip magazine. The magazine is ordered to pay 2,000 euros in damages and face a possible fine of 10,000 euros per day for not turning over the pictures and files, etc. to the lawyers or representatives of the royal couple. The magazine is further banned from republishing or selling the photos at the risk of a 100,000 euro fine.

From The Telegraph today:

The ruling cited article 9 of the civil code that states that “any person, whatever his fame, his present or future functions, has the right to the respect of his private life and image.”
The photos were taken from a public road several hundred metres from the private residence where the couple were staying. The court agreed that the couple “could legitimately suppose (the residence) was sheltered from prying eyes” and that the violation of their privacy was “particularly intrusive”.
It described the magazine’s use of the photos as a “brutal exhibition” of their intimacy.

Meanwhile Prince William and Duchess Kate continue their Far East & South Pacific tour.

from The Huffington Post

from The London Evening Standard

Topless Duchess

British Prince William & his wife, Kate (Duchess of Cambridge) have gone to court—well, their lawyers have—in France to ask that recent topless pictures of the Duchess be prevented from further use. And they’re suing for damages, apparently calling the publication a “grotesque” invasion of privacy. 

The pictures were published in the French gossip magazine Closer, and can be found online. 

My feeling is this: she was sunbathing topless on a balcony which was viewable from some publically accessible place—granted, the photographer seems to have used a significantly high-power zoom lens—so they shouldn’t be so insanely outraged that these pictures have come out. If you’re that concerned about the public being aware that you do, in fact, have breasts and nipples, then you should always keep them securely covered up when near cameras and when outside or near any windows or mirrors that might be in line of sight of windows. 

Seriously, this is just about preserving the traditional, uptight, “proper” image of the British Royal family, which is an outdated institution in my opinion. To pretend that these are not people, but rather iconic demi-gods who’d never engage in any untoward behaviour is just craziness. It perpetuates an unrealistic ideal of behaviour which could, in time, contribute to unhealthy or perhaps more extreme behaviours by members of the royal family. Pushing down impulsive feelings, by saying “we can’t behave this way or that way, doesn’t make those impulses go away. They just get channeled into other areas, and it all comes out somehow, somewhere, at some time. 

Come on, that’s just PSYCH 101.

The Telegraph, the online version of The Daily Telegraph (a 150+ year old conservative British newspaper), published this video & article, in which the young royal couple visited the Solomon Islands...

...where topless native women in traditional dress greeted them:

Ursula Martinez, I love you

Ursula Martinez:

I love her.

Okay, not really. I don’t know Ursula Martinez. I imagine she’d be an interesting person to know—smart and funny and not uptight. Or maybe not.

Anyway, I do love this piece of hers called “Hanky Panky”. It’s a magic trick/striptease.

I first saw it online somewhere maybe a year ago or more, and have come across it a few times since then.

I thought it was hilarious.

Still do.

Now, despite dabbling a little as a kid, I am not a magician. But I would guess the magic trick involved in “Hanky Panky” is probably not all that complicated. It’s her performance that makes it great. The music choice, the choreography, her facial expressions, the nods and winks to the audience...they’re all perfect.

Well. She had always kept it as a live performance piece, and not put it online herself. But a video of “Hanky Panky” was apparently made and put online without her permission. Then she started getting creepy emails from men in response to it (along with some not-so-creepy emails from men & women.)

A few years later, in response to the whole thing, she created a show called “My Stories, Your Emails”.  

Here she is talking about it in an interview:

I was going to post that original “Hanky Panky” video. Buuuut...in light of what she has to say about it in the interview, I decided against it. (If you’re really interested, I’m sure you can find it online easily enough.)

Her website, ursulamartinez.com, describes some other pieces she’s done. 

I’d love to see any of those, really.

“A Family Outing”

“Viva Croydon!”

“Curing Homosexuality”

...Or to meet and actually get to know her. Then, who knows? Maybe one day I really could say “Ursula Martinez, I love you.”

“Dawn Gets Naked”

I happened upon this last night, after posting yesterday’s entry:

“Dawn Gets Naked”

It’s a 1-hour BBC “special”...well, maybe it’s not all that special. It’s one of a series of shows in which Dawn Porter, a British TV “presenter”, explores various issues.

Anyway, it’s not bad. She does ask a few interesting questions.

But I’ve noticed more and more videos online that seem to be British TV programs exploring nudity. I wrote about another such show not long ago, “My Daughter, the Teenage Nudist”. I wonder if this general topic is just being used for the titillation effect and to boost ratings. Or does it reflect a broadening interest in nudity among the young (and no-so-young) folks watching the BBC? Maybe both.

The video above is part 1 of 4. Here are the other 3 parts:

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Sancta Susanna (naked opera 8)

Sancta Susanna by Paul Hindemith

I believe this is from a production at Opéra de Lyon with Agnes Selma Weiland as Susanna 

and Magdalena Anna Hofmann as Klementia.

I had never heard of this opera until this evening when I was looking for something to write about. 

And now, I only know what I’ve read on Wikipedia (see the link above, at the top).

It sounds interesting. Has anybody out there ever seen a production?

New Camera (4)

I got a “new” camera yesterday. It’s not new, it’s used. It’s a Canon PowerShot A40.

I saw it on craigslist for $20. I was thinking maaaaybe the memory card I have in my other camera might fit.

Yeah, not even close. Here’s the new one.

It new memory card cost $32. And I have yet another memory card in my phone. Why can’t they all use the same stuff? Bleh.

The main reason I got the camera is that it seems to be able to do the stuff my old camera-phone does—sepia, manual control of brightness, etc—and probably a lot of what my other camera does. That one is basically a “point and click” type thing.

The “new” one has an “auto” setting which means the camera decides what to do based on the conditions it’s sensing.  (That’s sort of what the “old” one does.) But the manual setting has a lot of options, which seem to use some photography-oriented terminology. That means I’ll have to learn what that stuff means, and that’s good.  

I’m hoping I can just use this one “new” camera instead of using both the other camera and the old phone. Plus it looks like a camera. Sure, I guess that’s a vanity issue—that it looks like a camera instead of a phone. But I do feel that if I’m using something that looks like a camera, people will take me more seriously. Obviously, that’s not so much for the naked self-portraits, but for taking pictures of other people and things, which I’ve been continuing to do some. (See my tumblr.) 

Oh yeah... I downloaded the manual, which is about 180 pages long, hoping it’d help me figure out some basic how-to stuff. But I don’t know if I have the patience to go through that whole thing. Maybe I’ll just experiment and try to figure out what works.

My using this camera will be dependent on whether I can get the pictures to leave the camera and go into my computer. I plugged it into my computer last night, and the driver failed to install, twice. So I looked for some help online, and eventually found a couple of people who’d had the same problem. And I submitted an email question at Canon’s website this morning. The solution is basically this: it’s a 10-year old camera and the current versions of windows aren’t gonna work directly with this camera; you’ll have to get a memory card reader, which should be relatively inexpensive.

So, I shall be looking for an inexpensive memory card reader while I’m out this afternoon. (I think I’m gonna see a movie.)