Take a seat 2

So, I’ve noticed the past month or so the way I’ve been sitting. I wrote about this a while back. But I’ve noticed more and more that I’m sitting with my legs more open. I know that partly I’ve been sitting at my keyboard, and the stand it sits on it’s not really conducive to sitting with my legs together. And also the way my computer is set up at home isn’t so conducive either. Although I still feel like I’m not the guy with my legs aggressively spread apart, I wonder if my seated attitude has changed.

(I may’ve written about this more as well, or at least mentioned it to people when discussing the blog.) I’m absolutely certain that this blog has contributed to an increase in my confidence about my body. It’s not that I felt unconfident before or had any significant issues about my body. But having all these pictures online, and having people compliment how the pictures look and how I look—these things have maybe built up my ego a little. I hope that’s a good thing.

Perhaps I’ve also developed a little more awareness of my penis while I’m dressed.

Not long ago I met a young woman who knows several people I know, some of whom are aware of my blog. Well, in chatting with her, she made some reference about hearing how I am. I don’t remember the exact context, but I thought she might be referring to my blog. I didn’t ask, ‘cause I didn’t want to bring up any awkwardness if that’s not what she was referring to.

Also, I feel like there are a few other acquaintances—again, who know people who are aware of the blog—that I’ve noticed looking at me more or differently. And I’m not sure if they’re looking at me differently now because they’ve heard about, or seen, the blog, or if it’s something else. If I feel more confident about my body, that probably comes off somehow. And confidence is attractive.

Well, this has become a bit of a ramble. My point was...sitting.

So...am I sitting differently? Or am I just more aware?

Also, do people I’m only sort of acquainted with know about the blog? Is that a good or bad thing?

Do I come off any differently now, and does that actually affect how people respond to me?

Or is it all just my imagination?

Naked Branches

It’s spring. Things are blooming. I’m sneezing.

There are still a lot of naked trees.

I was put in mind this past week of a poem I wrote in college.

By the way, this is a “po-um”. Not a “pome” nor a “po-eem”. I’m Just sayin’.

Anyway, here’s the poem.

“ANTICIPATION”

Soft-falling leaves outside my window,

while I sit and think of nothing,

suggest an autumn breeze—

the cycle of seasons closing,

preparing for a new death.

I expect dark days,

the gloomy outlook of another beginning,

But the sun shines a little too bright,

the trees show a little too green.

Spring growth, it seems,

pushes away

the old discolored remnants

that held on through a mild winter—

no howling blasts to strip them away.

I prefer the blasts,

violently shaking off all that’s used up,

than a gentle spring breeze

and the persistent pressure

of new growth waiting to show through.

Yes, I think I prefer the blasts.

(March 1992)

Naked Revolution

“To dare: that is the whole secret of revolutions.”

—Antoine Saint-Just

Okay, so there are a lot of links I could post to all this. There are a lot of places I might start. Maybe I’ll just wander around the topic a bit. Hope that’s okay.

Calendar

I saw this article a few days ago:

"My body, my choice" Exiled Iranian women pose nude...

It’s about this video: 

which is in support of/PR for this calendar: Nude Photo Revolutionary Calendar

The video was released on International Women’s Day (8 March).

The intention of the calendar is to support free speech and against Islamic restrictions on women. Also it is meant to recognize pay homage to the effort of Aliaa Maghda El-Mahdy. 

Egypt’s Naked Blogger

I thought I might post something on this back when it happened (November 2011), but I never got around to it.

Aliaa Maghda El-Mahdy is a young Egyptian woman and an activist-type blogger.

Last fall she posted a nude picture of herself online.

I’m not completely sure of the timeline, but I believe she first posted it on facebook. It was removed by the facebook people. Then a friend suggested she put it on twitter, which is likely where the uproar started. And then she posted it in a blog.

Her twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/aliaaelmahdy

Her blog (one of her blogs): arebelsdiary.blogspot.com

The blog post: فن عاري Nude Art

Aliaa said in a CNN interview: “... I am not shy of being a woman in a society where women are nothing but sex objects harassed on a daily basis by men who know nothing about sex or the importance of a woman. The photo is an expression of my being and I see the human body as the best artistic representation of that.” 

She has a Wikipedia entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aliaa_Magda_Elmahdy

Of course, a lot of conservative types were outraged and called her horrible names. But even many reformers, activists, etc., came down pretty harshly on her, saying that this doesn’t represent what they’re doing, that she’s just a stripper...that sort of thing.

But I agree with actress/dancer Amanda Azim: "If you have a problem with nudity, you have a problem with humanity."

Golshifteh Farahani

Another Middle Eastern woman who caused some uproar by posing nude is Golshifteh Farahani. 

She is an Iranian actress living in Paris. She was exiled from Iran recently for posing nude in a French magazine and video.

Farahani’s posing nude was also a protest of Islamic restrictions.

She said in an interview with the Daily Telegraph: “I was told by a ministry of culture and Islamic guide official that Iran does not need any actors or artists. You may offer your artistic services somewhere else.”

That an official from the ministry of CULTURE would say this is mind-boggling.

Here’s the video: 

And here’s an English translation of the spoken text: Revelation 2012, Corps et Ames

The woman behind the Nude Photo Revolutionary Calendar, Maryam Namazie, says in support of Farahani: “We need nudity now more than ever to break the hold of Islam and Islamism in our lives particularly since Islam hates a woman’s body like nothing else…”

Me

So, I was chatting with an old friend last night on the facebook. She said: “One thing I always hated was that men always thought I was trying to be sexual... How come they couldn't understand that I just wanted to be nude?”

So I mentioned this topic of Egypt’s Naked Blogger and this calendar/video.  And then I said this:

It's a sort of political statement that would have little impact if done here because nudity tends to be either simply sexualized or marginalized.
That coupled with the idea that sexuality is naughty &/or ought to be hidden, means that nudity often becomes this adolescent, funny, arousing, or whatever thing instead of just being nudity.
It's a sort of political statement that would have little impact if done here because nudity tends to be either simply sexualized or marginalized.
That coupled with the idea that sexuality is naughty &/or ought to be hidden, means that nudity often becomes this adolescent, funny, arousing, or whatever thing instead of just being nudity.
But it's not just men. I was chatting with a woman I know a few days ago about being naked, and she couldn't seem to separate it from sex. She was all “I like to hug people, so that would be awkward.”
Well, only if you made it awkward.
“And you could totally see it if a guy was turned on.”
Well, okay, I suppose so. But once you get over the initial shock of nudity, once you get used to seeing people naked, it becomes less of a thing.
I have found, since I've been doing the blog, that I feel even better about being naked. And that, although I recognize that my body isn't perfect, I like it even more. 

To clarify, being naked doesn’t have to be a sexual thing. Sure, it can be. There’s a HUGE industry based on just that idea: that a naked person is sexual, and we all want sex so much that we’ll pay (or some advertiser will) to see it.

But it isn’t always. Just look at some art sometime.

Anyway... And once you get used to seeing people naked, you start to get that. It becomes less weird, or awkward, or whatever. And if being naked leads to being okay with being naked, that will lead to less hang-ups about our bodies, and that’s a better way to be. It’s healthier.

While appearing naked just does not have the same impact here in the U.S. or the secular Western world that it does in the Islamic world, I think it’s still something that should be done. Because there are still way too many folks like my friend who equate nakedness with sex. And who think that both are things that ought to be hidden. But I tell you, the hiding and shaming and guilt-ladden-ing of sex and of our bodies has caused so many people so much pain—in the guilt some people have in dealing with their own sexuality and/or in the horrible things that have been perpetrated upon some people by others who’ve developed some ugly, violent sexual needs or outlets as  result of so much guilt and hiding.

Well, that’s it. I say the whole world should get naked in support of freedom and against misogynistic laws and mindsets and against the repression and shaming of sexuality. So feel free to join me. Start your own naked blog. Or appear on mine. Make a calendar or video or both.

“Those who suppress freedom always do so in the name of law and order.”

—John V. Lindsay

“An oppressed people are authorized whenever they can to rise and break their fetters.”

—Henry Clay

“Those who are inclined to compromise can never make a revolution.”

—Kemal Ataturk

Naked in the News (2)

A friend of mine posted this on the facebook this morning:

She commented “check out dude with the sandwich!”

It’s true, at about 2’05” there’s a guy lending a hand while still holding onto his hamburger. 

Weird.

But my comment was this: “Why can't the naked people be more coherent, and responsible?”

Seriously, those folks give us reasonable naked people a bad name.

News-type stories about naked people always have some drugged or drunk person...or somebody loudly protesting something.

Why does there have to be an excuse? 

Hell, I’d rather go naked. 

Period. 

Well, assuming it’s not too cold. 

Actually, even then I might rather go naked, but it’s just too uncomfortable.

I guess you can also find coverage of the sensationalized nipple slip or celeb caught sunbathing nude sort of things. But that’s not exactly news; it’s more something else...maybe info-perv-tainment.

Wouldn’t that be a great human interest story on the evening news? A normal naked person. No big issue they’re trying to raise awareness about.

“And here’s this person. He or she happens to be naked. So...you’re naked. What’s that like?”

“Oh, it’s pretty much the norm. If it’s warm enough, I’m probably naked or semi-naked. You know. It’s not a big deal, really.”

“Hm. Interesting. I notice that you’re not staggering around, or yelling, or speaking incoherently. Surely you must have some horrid injustice you protesting.”

“Um, no. I mean, there certainly are injustices in the world. But that’s got nothing to do with my being naked.”

“No? An important issue to awareness about?”

“No, I’m just naked. I suppose that’s an issue. But I’m not on a mission here. Just...hanging out.”

“And there you have it. ‘Just hanging out.’ Back to you in the studio.”

The problem with this blog is...

This past weekend, I was talking with a friend about this blog. She expressed some concerns, impressions, reactions. Mostly it wasn’t really anything new. But I thought I might share a little, and ask for your feedback. So please, feed my back ‘cause it’s hungry...wait that can’t be right. How ‘bout this? I fed you this blog, now you feed me back your response.

One general idea that came up was that for some people who know me, just the fact that they know me makes this blog problematic. My response is that just because you know someone doesn’t mean you should feel upset or awkward because you’ve seen them naked. We’re all people who are naked some time or another. Also nudity can help folks have a healthier idea of what bodies actually look like, blah, blah, blah.

In a sense, being naked is a sort of honesty, openness. Of course, I know that unfortunately most people aren’t ready or willing to be all that open and honest. I suppose I should just find myself a naked community and move there.

A more specific reaction of my friend was that, since she does know me, she’s heard and/or read (on the facebook) my expressions of loneliness and unhappiness in my personal life. So somehow this blog is that. I’ve said before that had I not been so bored several months ago, I wouldn’t have started this blog. And I don’t know, it may also be true that if I had a significant other I might not have started it. But as I said to another friend some time back, the blog is “not a general dating invite.” Although I would like to have a girlfriend, I have absolutely no expectation that this blog could lead to my having one. In fact, it might make it more difficult to get a girlfriend, as many people would be uncomfortable with their significant other having a blog like this. But honestly, that doesn’t feel like a pertinent issue in my life. I’m not expecting to get involved with anyone; rather, I’m doubting it.

Does anybody else have that reaction? Not that I’m unlikely to get involved. I mean the idea that your knowledge of my loneliness makes this blog seem like I’m trying to fill that space.

Another reaction of this friend—and one that’s not about me, but rather about the pictures...well, it’s also about me—is that some of the pictures seem to her to be a middle-aged dude taking pictures of his penis, and putting them online. And to her that’s kind of sad. I guess it’s related to the previous thought about my being lonely, etc. Obviously, the blog IS a middle-aged dude putting pictures of his penis online. I mean, some of the pictures in this blog are just my penis.

But even the erection pictures are, to me, an exploration of the body—in this case, the male body...my male body. This is a new area for me. I’d never thought of myself as a photographer or a visual artist.

I think the problem with the middle-aged penis-dude is that people think it’s creepy: it’s a lonely guy expressing his sexual desperation hoping that someone will take the bait. “My penis...anyone? anyone?...no?”

So...is that me? I think at least mostly no. But maybe there is some element of that. Maybe by doing this blog I’m hoping for some connection to people. I don’t know. What do you think?

I’ve felt various reasons for starting and continuing this blog.

Boredom: sure, along with the desire to do something a little unusual; it’s sort of the idea of wanting to do something drastic, like shaving one’s head...except I’ve already done that.

One of the more compelling reasons I have—a sort of coming out: a desire to be more open about this part of my life, the fact that I’m naked and enjoy it; I’m still the same person, I haven’t changed, etc.

I think the desire to express...something is involved here as well, especially lately; all the looking at and judging my pictures and deciding which to post has stirred an artistic sensibility in me; I’m feeling a desire to capture/create and share interesting and compelling pictures.

Thoughts, anybody? I really do crave feedback.

I think as a burgeoning “artist” I’m lacking in knowledge and equipment and opportunities. I should take a class, but my schedule is inconsistent, so that could be a problem. I’d probably learn a lot if I just had people to work with—models and photographers. But without money to pay real models, without a studio, I don’t see that happening. So, if anybody’s interested...

There’s also the whole sex thing...how it gets in the way of discussions or displays of nudity. My discussion with that friend seemed to get a bit off track when we got to this. I wasn’t quite sure the point she was making, and it got away from my blog a bit. But I’ll make this point: sex isn’t something to fear, or at least it shouldn’t be. (I’ve mentioned this a little before.) And so what if sex “gets in the way” with some of my pictures? I still feel confident that what I’m doing is not porn. An artistic exploration of sex is a valid endeavor.

Well, I generally don’t get a lot of comments on this blog. I know, people don't know what to say, how to respond. But if you’ve read all this, you might have something to say; I probably would, even if it’s just “I agree”. But especially if you don’t’ agree with everything I’ve said, I hope you’ll comment. Feel free to totally disagree, bring up some point I’ve not touched on, whatever. Please. 

terms

I was thinking about my use of the word “naked” and the term “naked person”. That’s how I’ve described myself, my nudity. I generally say “naked” in place of “nude”. And I call myself a “naked person” instead of a “nudist” or “naturist”.

I don’t think I’ve written about this precisely before, though I have addressed these words before: "Nude vs. Naked".

I suppose I like the term “naked person” because to my mind “nudist” and “naturist” suggest someone who does various activities in the nude—beaches, resorts, parties maybe. And I’ve not done that. I’d certainly be interested. I’ve looked into it occasionally, looked for nude resorts, but I’ve never found one that wasn’t either several hours away &/or rather expensive &/or not open to single males.

Many places require a membership &/or a significant day fee. Often the “individual” day fee is the same as the “couple” day fee. And the “no single males” policy is not uncommon. I suppose the reason is the perception that single men would want to go to a nude resort looking for some kind of sexual contact. That’s unfortunate. I’ve seen places where the “single male” fee was significantly more than the “single female” fee. Perhaps another reason could be that such places already have enough men there and want to encourage more women to balance things out.

There is a nude “ranch” not too far from where I live now, but their single male policy is unclear. Perhaps when it’s warmer, I’ll look into it. Of course, I’d much prefer to have a partner to go with, but at least for now that doesn’t seem likely.

Anyway, back to “naked person”. “Naked person” seems simpler in a way. It doesn’t bring up the kind of associations that I feel “nudist” and “naturist” do. Or maybe that’s just me; maybe those are my associations.  

Another reason I like the term is that it includes “person”. I’m a person, like everybody else, but I happen to be naked. And at some times every person is naked.

(Well, maybe not this guy.)

You could say that deep down we’re all naked, and all equal? Or maybe that’s just pretentious bull-shit.

Does anybody reading this have very strong feelings about these terms?

violence

We seem okay with violence, but nudity we race to criticize and censor.

-Eva Mendes

I have a friend on the facebook who was recently sharing a lot of pictures from a page called *Clean* Funny Pics. Those pics and the page are no longer available. Not sure why.

Some of the pics I found funny, but it just seemed to me that many of them simply rely on violence or violent language for their humor. I can’t remember what they all were, but here are 2 that I do remember and found elsewhere:

wanderings.net

I didn’t find this funny. It’s actually kinda sad.

premad.tumblr.com

This one is kind of funny. It’s the one that first got my attention. It’s also kind of violent, but that‘s not what got my attention.

In the *Clean* Funny Pics version the word “screw” was blacked out. I, quite naturally I think, assumed the blacked out word was “fuck”. So, in this case, censoring the picture actually made it worse. Maybe not technically worse, as it didn’t have a “curse” word, but it made me think a “curse” word. 

It’s like in ancient Greek drama, where the violent stuff happened offstage, or in a suspense movie, where you know the bad guy or monster is there someplace but you can’t see it. To show it makes it definitive, but leaving it unseen lets the imagination perhaps go further than would ever be possible onstage.

Ah well, my point is that I often don’t find violence all that amusing. I prefer the Marx Brothers to the Three Stooges. When I was a kid I thought some of the Stooges humor was amusing, but not anymore. 

Carving

A few days ago I retrieved some stuff that had been in a friend’s basement the past several years. In one of the boxes was a small carving, like a small wooden statue.

My ex gave it to me. I’d forgotten about it. I used to think it sort of represented us: one figure bald and the other with long-ish hair. I’m bald; she has hair.

I always really liked it. And I still do, but now it’s a little depressing.

Yeah, ‘cause I’m alone.

I’ve actually been thinking about her lately, a little more than usual. It’s been about 6½ years since we broke up.

The suggestion has been made that my being naked is a sexual thing, but when she and I were together I enjoyed being naked just as much. Also, before she and I met, I liked being naked. So, it’s not ‘cause I’m not getting any that I’m naked all the time.

Anyway...

I miss her. I miss her-then, not her-now. I don’t know her-now all that well. We’re still friends. We keep in touch on the facebook. She’s married. She has cats. She’s a different person now.

Since her there’ve been people I was interested in, but nothing much ever came out of those relationships—well, maybe some anger and hurt feelings.

I suppose I just miss being with somebody, and she’s the person I was with most recently and the longest. 

“Unfriend” #1

I had a friend who stopped talking to me. Not recently; this was some time ago.

I suppose she's my first "unfriend" due to my being naked. Wait, actually there was another girl a few years earlier. In fact, there may be others even further back. I don’t recall.

Anyway, this girl wasn’t a facebook unfriending; it was a real life unfriending. She was never friends with me on the facebook. That’s actually how I became aware that she wasn't talking to me. She wasn’t on the facebook for a long time, even after “everybody” was. Then a few years ago I saw that she had joined the facebook, but she ignored a few friend requests from me and some messages.

I didn't know what the deal was at first, and I wanted to know. She wouldn't return my calls or messages. I realized something was wrong and heard second hand sort of what it was.

Then I ran into her and she was all, "Oh, hey! How are you?" as if nothing was wrong. So I said (something like), "No. That is not acceptable. If you wanna talk to me about this, fine. But don't act like nothing's wrong." She said "Okay," and just stared at me. I said "Okay" and walked away. And nothing since then.

Sadly, she and I had been pretty decent friends in the past.

I used to hang out sometimes at her place. Then I moved away; when I came to visit, I’d stay there. (There was an extra room.) And she saw me naked sometimes. It never seemed to be a big deal. She seemed okay, or at least not upset, about it. It was something I did to be funny, amusing, "for a lark". 

But then one time I asked her out to dinner. And she brought a friend along. Later I told her that I'd meant dinner with just her. Now, I wasn’t feeling any particular romantic urgency toward her. There had been a time when I was sort of interested, but I didn’t pursue it. And at that point when I asked her out, I wasn’t really interested anymore. I was only in town for a little while, and didn’t know when I’d be back. And I certainly wasn’t trying to get laid. That’s just not me. To be perfectly honest, I thought it might be a nice gesture. And I thought we might have a nice time.

I think what happened is that she was uncomfortable with my invitation. That’s why she brought her friend. So, sometime after that, she saw me naked again. It may’ve been a day or two or a week or month, maybe that time I was visiting or the next—I’m not sure about the timing, ‘cause to me it wasn't a big deal. Well, apparently to her it was a big deal. Apparently she felt that it was some kind of sexual advance.

It wasn’t. 

As far as I was concerned, It was no different than any other time I’d been there. 

But(!)...

She has issues. With men. Well, with sex, and relationships. I just didn’t get how serious those issues were. So, now she has issues with me.

I haven’t written about her before, but a few things have reminded me of her lately. So...there it is.

It makes me sad that she decided that we couldn’t be friends.

It makes me angry that she didn’t talk to me about it. 

The 60-something facebook “friends” that I’ve lost sometimes make me upset, but honestly the loss of her friendship was more upsetting than losing all of those people combined.

At this point, I don’t know if we could ever be friends again—maybe at some future point(?)—(and I don’t expect her to ever see this), but I might be willing to consider it. I’d be willing to listen if she wanted to have an actual conversation about it. But I’m not willing to pretend that everything’s fine, when clearly it isn’t.

Beauty Pageants

Since this years’ Miss America Pageant wasn’t long ago, I thought I’d write something about pageants.

recipes.howstuffworks.com

I have long felt that beauty pageants should just get real, be honest about themselves, and get rid of the swimsuits. I don’t mean to get rid of that portion of the competition, but to just lose the suits. Seriously, what is the point of that, except to see what these women’s bodies look like? And my feeling is that naked would be more honest—no padding, no pushup, no tape, just what you’ve got.

I mean, come on, you can call it a “scholarship pageant” all you want, but I don’t see any “ugly” girls there in the traditional pageants. Well, that may not be totally true, but the “ugly” ones don’t get very far. For real, you don’t have to be really smart...

...nor really good at your talent.

(Ug. First, why is she singing “Memory” in Italian. And, second, are those actual Italian words? I can’t tell, and I work with opera singers all the time. Oh yeah, also please work on your technique, pitch, and lose the arm stuff. Okay, just had to get that out.)

It’s mostly about being skinny and matching certain “ideals” of beauty, ideals which I often find unattractive.

I have known several women who did pageants, who have varying opinions. 

There’s one woman who said that “being in front of thousands of people in a bikini is liberating.”

A singer I knew, who was in a local qualifying pageant, thought it would be classier to have a live accompanist for her talent than to sing with an accompaniment track. So she asked me to play for her. Well, those girls all seemed nice onstage, but backstage there were a few catty bitches.

Anyway, my friend wasn’t really comfortable with the swimsuit part. Her comment about it was that she felt like a “piece of meat” and that she needed to “work her ass off” every day to feel in shape enough.

There’s another woman I know, who, when I found out about her pageant participation, I looked her up. When I saw her pageant pics, I thought she was SO much more attractive now. Less makeup, less severe-looking...more like a beautiful human woman. Here’s what she wrote to me about pageants:

“It hurts to be beautiful”....literally!
Referencing: eyebrow waxing, bikini wax, weight loss, heels heels and high heels, skin care, hair care, exercising, meal planning, talent coaching for some, interview coaching, finances for wardrobe, and more! Well, it comes with the territory!

So, I guess my point is that I find the “beauty” in beauty pageants to be often unappealing or misleading.

lasvegassun.com

And that if you’re really trying to judge these women’s beauty—and don’t pretend that you’re not—then have them appear in a more natural state, an “au naturel“ state. While you’re at it, bring in some women with real curves, not just the scary-skinny, six-packed bitches. Encourage them all to be the size they’re meant to be instead of fighting and struggling and working to fit some Barbie-doll mold.

lasvegassun.com

One former pageant participant wrote to me that “No one really is out there but gay men anyway,” but to that I would add that there are also former Barbie-doll molds/pageant participants (formerly skinny bitches). Also, perhaps most distressingly, there are friends and family who are fully supporting this behavior, this culture of celebrating “beauty”—painted on, fake smile, starving and over-coached, sparkly-dressed, approval-craving women desperately trying to look like this bizarre epitome of “beauty”.

(Yes, I realize my point may not be clear. It often isn’t. I’m not really an essayist. And my general ranting about the typical look of pageant contestant is probably getting in the way of my point that they should be naked instead of wearing swimsuits and tape.)

"The Naked Now"

I just started watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on the netflix yesterday. “The Naked Now” was the second (or third, if you count the first 2-part episode as 2) episode in the first season. It’s an homage, or at least a reference, to “The Naked Time” from the original series.

I feel like I’m eating my vegetables, or maybe wading through the so-so episodes before the series really starts swimming. There’s nothing forcing me to watch these earlier episodes, but I generally like watching an entire series in order.

It seems to me that all the newer Star Trek series took a while to hit their stride. I’m not sure about the original series. I watched it in syndication when I was a kid, but don’t remember much. So I tried watching it on the netflix not too long ago. I got through 2/3 of the first season, but I just couldn’t take any more of the mediocre acting and the long “dramatic reaction” shots where characters just had these odd, intense expressions on their faces while bad music played. And, of course, there’s the bad special effects. 

Anyway...“The Naked Now”...

The crew is exposed to some virus-type condition which lowers their inhibitions. They keep describing it as being like intoxication. And most everyone who is infected goes around flirting and touching and making out and presumably fucking whoever they can get their hands on.

It’s a little bothersome to me that the series suggest 300+ years in the future, we’ll still have the same repressed attitudes about sex &/or sexuality. I hope it won’t be true. That is, assuming we survive another 300+ years.

If we don’t kill ourselves off directly, by war or some sort of nuclear or other similar disaster, we’re very likely to damage the environment to the point that human life is unsustainable. We’re well on our way to that already. I think the only way to avoid it, is to let go of our “traditional” mindset concerning how we use resources and how we define our civilization, the importance we put on maintaining our accustomed lifestyle.

And on the whole war thing, maybe if all the dudes in charge would just get together in a room and strip down, maybe there’d be less posturing and all that crap, more openness. And therefore, less chance of armegeddon.

“It is an interesting question how far men would retain their relative rank if they were divested of their clothes.”                -Henry David Thoreau (1817-62)

"Endless Pleasure, Endless Love" (naked opera 3)

Rosemary Joshua and chorus in "Endless Please, Endless Love" from Semele by Händel.

English National Opera, London, 1997

I really like this. It’s fun.

There’s another video of this aria with Cecilia Bartoli in what appears to be the same or very similar staging, but to me she seems less playful, less fun throughout. And her exit is more modest. So, boo! on all counts. 

that naked feeling

I don’t always wear nothing around the house. I’m not completely naked.

Well okay, sometimes I am.

But right now, for example, I’m wearing socks and the new blue knit hat I bought the other day.

During the winter I often wear socks. It’s a little chilly. But between hat and socks, I’m wearing nothing but a smile. I find the knit hat does a lot to keep me warm. The next thing I might put on would be a long-sleeve t-shirt or one of several sweatshirt hoodie type things. Pants are always last. It’s not about having my penis hanging out. It’s that the back and shoulders seem to want to be warm more than my legs and butt, etc.

So, I was cooking earlier. The kitchen gets a little warmer than the rest of the apartment, so I took off the knit hat before I went in there. And I had this sensation of being “naked”.

It’s happened before. It’s an interesting sensation. The part of me that most people would consider the defining element of nudity is uncovered the whole time. It’s something else—in this case, the hat—that makes me feel naked when it’s removed. Sometimes it’s happened when I’ve gotten accustomed to wearing socks. It doesn’t happen every time I take something off, but when it does happen it usually lasts several seconds, maybe even as many as 10 or 15.

I think the first time I noticed it was a few years ago when I was at the beach for the winter. I was doing some writing and walking on the beach a lot and making necklaces of shells I’d picked up. I started wearing one—the first one I’d made—almost all the time. So when I was “at home” (in the apartment where I was staying) I was wearing nothing except that necklace. And my glasses. After several days, I took it off, and suddenly felt very naked. It was strange. Interesting, though.

I’ve even had the sensation when I wasn’t technically naked. Not long ago I had a friend over who insisted that I wear something. So I was wearing a thong. And there was a moment when I suddenly had the sensation of being naked. It was just a moment. I guess that’s a little different. I hadn’t taken anything off. In fact, I was wearing more than I normally do, but it wasn’t when I put it on. We’d been hanging out for a while, and I have no idea what prompted it.

That also happens occasionally—a momentary awareness of the fact that I’m “naked” without having taken anything off. But in that case, it’s just for a moment, a second, or less than a second.

The sensation of “feeling naked” isn’t about how much or little clothes one is wearing. I think it’s mostly a matter of what you’re used to. And it doesn’t take all that long to get used to a certain level of clothed-ness or unclothed-ness.

Well, I suppose if you have serious issues with your body image then it might not be quick to happen. But that puts me in mind of something I’ve not ranted about here lately: that people’s being more comfortable with nakedness, and being naked more, would lead to a healthier body image, especially if one grows up that way—seeing normal people with normal bodies naked sometimes, outside of a sexual context. Less shame about what you look like and a better sense of what’s “normal”. 

That’d have to be good for the world, right?

"impressive"

So, lately I’ve had several people, in commenting to me about the blog, use the word “impressive”. And in conversing either they explicitly said or I got the distinct impression that they were talking about the size of my penis. There’ve been others in the last several months who said the same thing.

Honestly, I just don’t get it. I’ve never thought of myself as physically impressive. Not my penis or any other part of me.

I’m certainly not tall. If I’m in a room full of men, chances are most of them are taller than me or at least the same height. I’m probably on the lower end of “normal” or average. I think average U.S. male height is about 5’9” or so. I’m 5’7”(ish) barefoot.

Average U.S. male weight is about 190 lbs. I’m maybe 150-something. I don’t have a scale at home.

So I’m not tiny, but I’m smaller guy.

Interestingly, women who are larger may have this whole body image problem arise from society’s teaching them that women are supposed to look a certain way, be a certain size. Well, I think men who are smaller have a similar problem—especially as adolescents—in that society also teaches that men are supposed to be big and strong and muscular.

Anyway...I’m also on the smaller end of average in penis size. While I haven’t spent tons of time in locker rooms or communal showers, and I’ve never been to a nudist resort or beach, I’ve seen a few penises in real life. And there are tons of them online. The average penis size is something 5-6 inches erect (3.5 inches when flaccid). I am... small but “normal”. (I suppose if you really want to know those measurements, you can ask.)

So, what is the deal with these people all finding my penis “impressive”? If you look at all at porn with penises (i.e., not just nude women) you’ll find much larger and thicker penises than mine.

I’m not upset about it—my penis size. It’s fine. It is what it is. I’m much more concerned that eventually my penis won’t “work” as well or at all. You know, sexually. And that I have wasted and continue to waste many of the good years not using it...at least not with anyone else.

(Sigh.) Oh well.

Actually, I rather like my penis—the way it looks.

I have a friend who, when I asked for feedback on my blog, said that I have a nice penis. It wasn’t what I was expecting or even the sort of feedback I was looking for, but it was great to hear. Of course, I’m used to the way it looks, as I’ve lived with it all my life. But I’ve seen some unattractive penises out there in porn-land: scary, aggressive-looking or oddly shaped penises. Maybe that’ll be a blog entry sometime: different penis “personalities”.

I have posted some pictures on the blog where I’m (yes, I’ll say it) erect. Hopefully, those aren’t too porn-ish. I don’t want this blog to be porn-ish. I don’t really have a problem with (most) porn. But that’s not what I’m doing.

There was a recent entry which was mostly erect or semi-erect penis pics. I assume that entry prompted the recent “impressive” comments. Now, I haven’t spent a ton of time with penises other than my own and certainly not erect ones, so I don’t know what my viewers are comparing me to. But when I look at those pictures I see a penis which isn’t really that big. I can’t help but wonder if maybe it’s the lighting or the angle or a background/foreground issue that makes these folks (or you folks, if you’re one of them) have that impression. OR, maybe they (you) are focusing mostly on just the penis and not really picking up on size/scale clues.

Perhaps they want to say something, but don’t know what to say. They want to be complimentary, say something nice because they like the blog. But they’re just not accustomed to having a conversation about someone being naked. How often do most people have conversations about being naked?

(If you’re one of the folks I’m talking about, feel free to chime in. Or if you’re not, feel free as well.)

Maybe there’s some other psychological thing involved. Perhaps the fact that these people at least sort of know me makes it more shocking to see these pictures of me naked than it would to see a stranger.

Wow! I know him! And he’s naked! There’s his penis...and it’s still there. Yep, right out in the open. Not hidden or obscured. Oh! And there’s a picture that’s just his penis... Penis. Penis! PENIS! AAAAHHH!

So maybe the psychological impact is greater because they (you) know me. And the penis seems bigger in the brain than on the page (or in real life).

The way we perceive external stimuli can be greatly influenced by stuff going on inside our head. There may be things we thought we saw or heard, etc, but which didn’t actually happen that way. And there may be things that we saw, heard, experienced, whatever, but which for various reasons we are unable to handle; so our brains put it elsewhere and we don’t remember. Or, there may even be a situation where we experience something so far out of our point of reference—something that seems impossible to our brain—that it either doesn’t exist for us or we turn it into something else that makes sense.

So if those things can happen, then I, having studied psychology (some), am inclined to believe that something psychological is happening when someone views my blog and thinks my penis is “impressive”. 

3 month-iversay (+1 day)

Yesterday was the 3 month-iversary of this blog.

3 months

149 posts

≈5,919 views

64 un-friends

Well, I think the trends from a month ago are continuing:

less views than in the first month or so;

still very few comments from those who are viewing;

I think, in general, people are communicating with me less, or ignoring my comments on the facebook— maybe it’s just my imagination, but that’s how it seems.

Lately I’m finding motivation to be an issue. I’ve done less writing lately and more pictures. It’s like I just feel like putting forth the effort. I suppose I’m depressed.

I do tend to get sort of depressed this time of year. I don’t know if the shorter days have any real effect. I’m not working at all right now during winter break, and not doing much of anything, really, except sitting around all day watching stuff on the netflix.

My ankle is still a little troubled, although it still seems to be getting better. Maybe I’ll start exercising. A few days ago I really wanted to go for a walk, but the ankle was just too sore. And I’m sure if I would start writing something else—a script—I’d feel better too.

I’ve never been good at inventing things to do to keep busy, just like I have trouble going to bed at a decent hour when I know I don’t have a reason to get up in the morning. I’m not good at fooling myself, or at least fooling myself on purpose. I’m sure I lie to myself about some things, like everybody else. But I really try not to.

Well, if there’s anybody around who’s actually reading this and wants to do something—you know, something free or super-cheap—let me know. I could really use a reason to get off the couch.

Bad Blog?

I was thinking about taking a little “naked tour” this winter, in the break between semesters. My parents were wanting me to come visit for Christmas.

yeah,  yeah...ho ho ho, whatever

I don’t go “home” much. It’s not home. My parents moved there 5 or 10 years ago. I don’t know anyone else there. And I’m just not that close to them.

Well, I thought I might visit them for a few days, so they’ll stop bugging me for a bit. And while I’m out and about, I’d visit several other friends too. Specifically people who would be okay with my being naked, and hopefully would be okay with my taking a few pictures for the blog. Nothing so specific that would identify them or their house...unless they were cool with that. They could get naked with me, or just pose clothed with me naked. Or not. I wouldn’t want to pressure anybody.

Anyway, I’m not gonna do that now. I feel like I need to stay here. Another holiday holed up alone somewhere.

For one thing, I’m kinda broke. Not desperately broke...yet. I haven’t gotten enough work this whole year—several years actually. And some of the work I’ve been doing, I’ve put much more effort into than I’m getting compensated for.

The other thing is that I need to do some writing. I haven’t been writing lately. I was planning to, expecting to do some work on a couple of scripts this fall. But it seems that doing this blog every day is diverting my daily creative impulse. When I’ve written a blog or taken a bunch of pictures and selected, edited, whatever, then I don’t feel much like working on a script.

I need to figure out how to do both without one or both suffering.

I got nothin'

I’m open to suggestions. Fear not, suggest away.

Anyway, no “naked tour” now. Maybe in the spring? Or summer? That’d be more comfortable anyway. And if you’re interested in my “naked visiting” you sometime, let me know. Invite me. 

Stuttgart Alcina (or, naked opera 2)

Georg Friedrich Händel

I actually don’t really know anything about this opera.

Alcina (by Haendel)

Nor about this production.

Staatsoper Stuttgart 1999

But in researching the topic of nudity in opera, I came upon this video.

I’m not sure if this counts as onstage nudity or if it’s a wardrobe malfunction, but considering the dress (which is kinda awesome) it’s either the former or the later just waiting to happen.

Catherine Naglestad “Ah, mio cor”

An issue I have with this particular video is that, given the explicit sexiness of that black dress, I don’t really buy the fact that the “boy” is a boy.

Yeah, pants roles (female singers playing young male characters) are a traditional operatic convention. But I often have difficulty turning off the part of my brain that says “that’s a woman”. And in this case, it’s even worse. I think the fact of seeing breasts onstage makes me all the more aware of the breasts on that “boy”.

Another point about this video: I’m not sure how I feel about the contemporary look and feel of an older opera, one which has the sound and feel of an older opera. Maybe it’s just the harpsichord, but for whatever reason, the visual doesn’t match the aural. I don’t mind a director’s changing the setting, nor doing a sort of minimal set, etc production, nor even something more surreal and eclectic—if it works. I suppose even changing the time period would be okay in some cases. But if it sounds old, putting it in a modern-looking and modern-feeling setting seems odd to me.

I don’t seem to have any problem with taking it in the opposite direction: for example the musical Les Miserables is set in revolutionary France in the early 1800s, yet the music is contemporary pop-ish musical theatre. I’m fine with that. And of course, I’ve seen productions and movies of Shakespeare plays that put the action in a more contemporary setting. Some were effective, some weren’t. There’s a great film of Richard III set in 1930s England. I think it works quite well.

So what’s the difference? I don’t know.

Anyway...my original point was: here’s an opera production that fits what a friend of mine was talking about when she said “More graphic nudity, sex, violence is definitely a trend in opera. I think it's trying to appeal to our dulled senses.”

If you’re interested, here’s my first naked opera entry:

“Strauss & 7 Veils”